"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
