he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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