Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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