she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
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