All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
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Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
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All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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