she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Randomize
