Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
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