i jhust puked up my retainher.
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
