Well apparently he's into motor boating.
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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