You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
im holly from the hills drunk
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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