how can u be prego again
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Randomize
