dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
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