i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
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you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
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