I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Randomize
