I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
