Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
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