You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
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