I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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