im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
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