I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Randomize
