Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Randomize
