my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
