i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
I just googled if crying burns calories
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
