I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Randomize
