just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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