We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
