I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Randomize
