forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Your penis caused this!
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
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