I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
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