Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
