Me. At least after what I've been through.
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
