there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
