2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize
