your thong is hanging out like whoa
I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
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