I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Randomize
