Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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