Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
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