am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize