Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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