My room smells like vodka and shame
i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
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