he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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