your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Randomize