I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
