I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Randomize
