You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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