home. puking in laundry basket.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
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great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
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Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
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