i may or may not be watching the land before time
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
