.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
You may now shotgun with the bride
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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