I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
