I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
