Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Randomize
