I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
