I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
Randomize
