Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
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