I feel like abortions should bother me more
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Randomize
