my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
