who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
I'm always down for nudity.
Randomize
