I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
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