So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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