can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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