Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Randomize
