Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize
