toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Randomize
