I can't watch pbs sober anymore
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Randomize
