Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Randomize
