I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
