you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Randomize
