My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
