The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
